Religious beliefs can make or break a marriage, and with divorces on the rise, it is time to talk about it.

"The general rule is do not marry outside your religion," said BYU religion professor Doug Brinley. "Not just for the LDS religion, but any two religions where the person is active."

Of those who have married outside of their religion, couples of similar faiths do not experience as many problems as those from extremely different religions, he said.

"It is especially difficult for Latter-day Saints or Catholics because both stress the point that they have the true church," Brinley said. "For any couple where religion is an important factor in their lives, or it will be, then it is a problem."

Members of all faiths experience challenges in raising children and in which church to raise the children, said religion professor Kent Brooks.

For Latter-day Saints, some of the problems are even more apparent than the issue of children.

"First of all, the marriage cannot take place in the temple. Hence, God's greatest blessings are not attainable until the marriage is solemnized in the temple," Brooks said.

Brinley, an author of six books marriage, said that he has a number of part-member friends in which religion has been a source of contention, especially concerning the children.

"I think it is more difficult if the man is a member and the woman isn't rather than the other way around. If the wife is a strong personality, that combination is a little more difficult," Brinley said.

Different religions are not only a problem between married couples, but it can also be a sensitive issue among extended family members with different faiths, said Brooks, a marriage and family counselor of 20 years.

"Couples should do all they can to understand and be sensitive to the feelings of family members who are not members of the (LDS) church," Brooks said.

When dealing with family members of different religions, Brooks offers some advice.

"It is important to strive, first and foremost, to please the Lord rather than man. That is not easy and family members can struggle sometimes to understand why we do what we do," Brooks said.

Many marriages already consist of couples with different beliefs, but it is possible to make them successful.

"To couples who are already married and who are of different religions, they must simply decide how they are going to handle it; together, or with children. If they can make that determination kindly, and it is not a source of contention, they seem to make it OK," Brinley said.

As many young adults at BYU and the world alike are making the big decision to get married, practical advice abounds.

"My counsel to couples is the same as that given by prophets - the most important thing that any member of the church can ever do is to marry the 'right' person in the 'right' place (temple) by the 'right' authority (sealing power)," Brooks said.



Copyright Brigham Young University 13 Feb 2003