Step 1:

Prepare: Dress well. Wear something crisp, clean and classy, with just enough sass to draw glances from both males and females. Usually one key item will do the trick, like a cherry red sweater or a brown suede jacket. Nothing too trendy. Excessive fur, knee length boots and shiny plastic attire might come off as high maintenance and are to be avoided, especially when combined with a cell phone. In fact, cell phones are completely off limits. If you own a cell phone, turn it off and keep it hidden deep within your backpack at all costs.

Shiny hair and minimal makeup will suffice for most girls. For fastest dating results, spritz a light mist of flowery or fruity perfume on just before leaving the house.

Step 2:

Make your entrance: Your entrance might be the most important part of snagging a date. Upon your entry, every person in the room must know that you are confident, happy and that you get asked out all the time, but somehow maintain an element of approachability. The look: Hard-to-get, but worth the challenge.

You must neither shuffle nor strut, but rather float through the room like a gentle breeze. Quickly select the lucky young man who will be asking you out*, making sure that the seat next to him is empty and that his left hand does not have a ring on it. Do not forget to look for the ring!

Focus on the empty chair and glide toward it with purpose. Smile pleasantly. Braving the catwalk will be a lot easier if you think of something silly like the entire room bursting into song, swinging from the plastic trees and performing synchronized high kicks to the melody of "There's No Business Like Show Business." Sit down in your seat.

*Note: Selection of Potential Mr. Right is an entirely personal decision; however, if you happen to have excessively poofy bangs and wear pioneer dresses, try to find a young man wearing socks with sandals. This will increase chances for success by 50 percent.

Step 3:

Make him yours: Notice when you sit down if he makes eye contact. If he does, return eye contact for two and a half to three seconds, preferably without blinking. Keep the pleasant smile. If he does not make eye contact, quietly clear your throat, making a small breathy noise. He will look up.

Proceed to study. Try to look interested in the material you're studying, but not obsessive. If, after 15 minutes, he does not initiate any conversation, it is time to pull out all the stops and take action. Nonchalantly ask Potential Mr. Right if he has a pen you can borrow. When he gives you the pen, make eye contact and say thank you. If you absolutely need a date in the next three days, make sure your hand touches his during the transaction, but save this tactic for emergency use only.

Wait patiently for him to nervously sputter the words "Hey, aren't you in my English class?" and watch the magical process unfold in front of you as he eventually asks you out. Silently rejoice in the fact that you will not be spending the upcoming weekend watching DVDs with your roommates AGAIN.

Step 1:

Prepare: Dress well, but not too well. Wear something casual and clean. Sweatshirts, t-shirts or collared shirts will suffice for most guys, but don't be afraid to let your own style shine through. Remember: A clean-shaven face goes with every outfit.

Pretty-boy is out. Grunge looks dirty. Good breath is also key. Not only will bad breath destroy any chance you may have with Potential Mrs. Right, but with any of her friends and associates. Convenience stores offer multiple forms of breath control such as chewing gum, sprays, drops and mouthwashes to ensure good breath.

For speediest dating results, apply Old Spice high endurance deodorant instead of heavy cologne and limit gel usage to no more than a dime-sized drop.

Step 2:

Turn on the radar: There are many open computers and empty seats in the periodicals, the secret is finding one next to that special girl*. Quickly scope out your territory, as though you are looking for a good study table, and decide on the empty seat next to a cute girl you've seen around campus this week.

As you move toward the seat, keep your eyes moving across the room so she doesn't know she's been chosen. Do not take a direct route to the chair. Walk tall and uprightly, but casually. This will show that you're confident, not cocky. The look: I'm all that and a bucket of chicken, but I don't even know it.

Before sitting down, make sure there is no ring on her left ring-finger. If there is a ring, abort the mission immediately and continue searching for open seats. If there isn't a ring, sit down without saying a word and smile, exuding all the boyish charm you can muster. Severe eye contact is crucial.

*Note: Selection of Potential Mrs. Right is an entirely personal decision; however, if you happen to wear socks with sandals, try to find a girl wearing a pioneer dress and excessively poofy bangs. This will increase chances of success by 50 percent.

Step 3:

Make her yours: Don't bother noticing whether Potential Mrs. Right is sending signals. Women are completely impossible to read, and attempting to do so may result in a freak aneurism. Simply, begin with a question such as "Aren't you in my biology lab?" or "What are you studying?" If she grunts a one-word response and avoids eye contact, open a textbook and try to look engrossed in the genetic makeup of Paleolithic worms. If she responds in a way that opens up the conversation, continue making small talk until a common bond causes you both to smile, laugh or look longingly into each other's eyes.

Wait thirty seconds longer into the conversation, then ask, "Do you want to do something this Friday?" This allows her to accept the date if she's interested or subtly reject you on the basis that she already has plans Friday. If she really does have plans on Friday, but wants to go out with you, she'll suggest another day or continue to flirt shamelessly. Once she accepts your offer, ask for her number and give yourself imaginary high fives for a job well done.*

*Note: Due to the inexplicable complexity of women's brains, these results may vary. Yes might mean no. No might mean yes. Flirting might mean "You are so ugly, get out of my face." Whatever you do, don't attempt to understand this! Accept your lot in life, and repeat steps 1, 2 and 3 until you find Mrs. Right.



Copyright Brigham Young University 13 Feb 2003